I'm Sorry
by Brook Uchiha Daughter of Zeus
Summary: Being the Queen is a stressful job, and suddenly having to juggle the responsibilities of work and family together is hard. Finally, Elsa snaps. [TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, suicide, gore, hearing voices. PLEASE TAKE PRECAUTION!] No pairings. Dark theme.
1. Chapter I: Please Stop

**Hello readers! I've had this idea for months and i have technically been writing it since the end of April (so for about 4-5 months) and I finally started it!**

_**TRIGGER WARNINGS!**_ **Self-harm, suicide, gore, hearing voices.**_** PLEASE TAKE PRECAUTION!**_

**I do not own Frozen.**

"Elsa!"

Anna burst through the study door to find her sister hunched over papers and scribbling furiously. Piles of the sheets were stacked on the desk almost towering over the Princess.

"Elsa?" Anna asked. The blonde in question's head shot up to look at her, eyes wide. "O-oh, Anna! When did you come in?" she asked.

Anna's eyebrows furrowed. "Just now. Are you feeling okay? You seem...jumpy."

"Hm?" The Queen replied. "Oh, I'm fine! Don't worry."

Anna took another step forward. "Are you sure? You look tired." Indeed, her sister did look tired. Contrasting her pale skin, there were dark circles under her eyes. Her shoulders were tense and her eyes seemed duller. "Are you getting too much work-"

"Please, don't worry Anna." Elsa interrupted. She smiled at her. "I'm fine. I can handle this."

_Lies._

Elsa looked back downward at her papers and her eyes widened a little. Anna didn't notice and simply huffed and crossed her arms. "Fine. I'll stop bothering you then."

The Princess spun on her heel and marched through the doorway. Suddenly, she halted and turned her head back towards her sister. "I'll see you at dinner, right?"

The blonde looked back at her and smiled weakly. "Of course. See you then."

Anna grinned happily and skipped out of the room, shutting the door again in the process.

The hand that wasn't holding her pen flew to her head, where a sharp pain started. She shut her eyes tightly and grit her teeth together. "Damn..." she muttered.

Elsa was vigorously pacing her room. The dark bedroom had frost creeping up the walls and furniture. Wherever she stepped ice formed on the hardwood floor, slowly crawling across the planks. Elsa herself stood by her bed with one hand clutching the post for support and the other holding her head. The headache she had developed earlier had yet to seize. It was not just a simple migraine though.

"There's so much work to do..." Elsa groaned.

_You can't handle a little work?_

Elsa shut her eyes tightly. "I can..." She said through gritted teeth.

The voice from the back of her head laughed. _You can't even handle doing absolutely nothing in your room for thirteen years!_ _How the hell will you do paperwork?_

The blonde stopped pacing and looked at her hands. "I can do this... I know I can do this..."

_Oh yeah? Look in the mirror, idiot. What do you see?_

She gazed at the mirror a few feet away. She saw her reflection; a tired-looking, stressed woman with teary eyes.

_Where's the confidence? _The Voice asked. '_Ya know what I see in this mirror? I see a crying girl, pleading for peace and calm. Nothing more._

Elsa clenched her fists. Fury was rising within her.

The Queen swiped her hand in front of her angerly to shoot ice out at her reflection. The frosty spikes slammed into the mirror, causing the glass to crack and shatter.

"Hey!" Elsa screamed. "What do you see NOW?!"

_Hmm,_ the Voice said, as if genuinely thinking about what to say. _I think I see a broken girl with nothing to loose. _Elsa could _hear_ the smile in its words. The Queen fell to her knees and turned her head to the floor. She raised a hand to her eye and wiped a tear away. Her other hand was palm down on the now-icy floorboards.

"Please," Elsa pleaded. "Go away..."

_You are worthless._

"Get out of my head..."

_You can't even control a voice _you_ created._

_"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" _Elsa screamed. Her hands were clutching her skull on both sides of her head. Her fingers were pulling at her platinum blonde hair desperately. "JUST _DIE ALREADY!"_

_Oh sweetie, the Voice responded with fake sympathy. The only way I die, is if you die._

Elsa's eye's widened. She clenched the fist that was on the ground supporting her.

_Oh? What's this?_ It asked. _You seemed all for killing yourself a few years ago. How old were you...sixteen?_

Elsa slowly leaned right to lie against her bed. This was all too much.

_Look at all those lines on your wrists to prove it. Your _lucky_ your mama and papa found you when they did._

"P-please shut up..." Elsa choked. The tears were free falling down her cheeks now. This was all too much for her to handle!

_Why? _The Voice's tone turned upbeat. It was sickening. _It was a very exciting time for me. To see all that blood, your pale face... Why not do it again? Who will care?_

Elsa was cowering at the foot of her bed by now, trying to save herself from these thoughts she was forced to have. It was traumatic for her. Last time she gave into the voice, she almost died. She was too close to dying. But, Elsa thought. My parents are dead now.

"W-what about A-anna?" Elsa asked herself.

_ANNA?! _It yelled. _Anna hasn't even _seen _you for thirteen years. Do you honestly expect her to care that you died?t's not like she'll cry about it. To her, you were practically dead all those years anyway._

Elsa's breathing quickened.

_She doesn't _care_! Now take your own advice and let it go. _

"Please..."

_Just fucking kill yourself already!_

"I-"

_NO ONE WILL FUCKING CARE!_

Elsa's head slowly rose from her knees. Her line of sight landed on a shard of glass from the mirror a metre or so away. She reached for it. When her fingers met the cool shard she wrapped them around it tightly, ignoring the pain from the glass cutting into her palm. The blonde put the shard over her wrist.

_Do it. _The Voice sounded calm.

Elsa pressed down. Hard.

The door behind her swung open.

"Elsa, you weren't at-" Anna stopped. She stared at her sister, not believing her eyes.

_"ELSA!_"

Anna ran to her and tried to pull the glass away.

"NO! STOP IT!" Elsa shrieked. "I _HAVE_ TO DO THIS!"

Anna's eyes filled with horror. Her sister looked tormented and the Princess could not overlook the shattered look of Elsa's eyes. Anna's eyes were full of tears threatening to spill.

"Elsa please stop!" Anna yelled, but when she looked at her wrist - her _sister's _wrist - it was already too late. The blood seeping out from the gash like it was a fountain of crimson water and pooling onto the carpet.

Anna could feel Elsa's hold grow weaker. She quickly ripped the glass out of her sister's hand and threw it far behind her.

Elsa's head slumped forward and before she lost consciousness, the last thing she heard was a scream and a body hugging her.

**To Be Continued. Next chapter: Awakening.**

**See you next frosty time!**


	2. Chapter II: Awakening

**Chapter II: Awakening.**

Elsa was surrounded by darkness. Was this how it felt to die? She thought she would be sent to Heaven (or in her case Hell), or even reborn as another person. That option was preferred. That way she couldn't remember who she was before. This felt different though. She seemed suspended in a dark room with no other way out, no matter where she looked.

_So, you think you succeeded on killing me?_

"No." Elsa replied to the voice. "Not killing you. Maybe just putting you to sleep."

_That doesn't make sense! _The Voice growled. _Why would you end you own life if you knew you wouldn't kill me?!_

Elsa smiled sadly. "Because then I knew _I _would be dead."

The Voice was silent.

"Besides," Elsa huffed, "if I killed you, that would kill a part of me with you. You almost succeeded in killing me before, yes, but you're a reminder of happier times too."

_What do you mean?_

"You weren't always trying to hurt me." The blonde stated. "When I was a child, you were my only companion. My only friend." Elsa wiped a tear away. "You used to cheer me on when I used magic. What made you change?"

There was no response.

"Heidi?"

The Voice scoffed. _You bothered to remember my name?_

Elsa smiled almost childishly. "Of course. I named you, did I not?"

A shimmering beside her caught Elsa's gaze. A faint figure started to appear. The figure had platinum blonde hair braided down her back. She was wearing a dark blue dress that went to her knees, and she was barefoot. Her eyes were very different. Instead of the white of the eye, it was black with the light blue iris'.The little girl outstretched her hand.

More tears spilt down the Queen's face. She kneeled down in front of the little girl and gently took her hand. "Welcome back, Heidi."

Heidi smiled back at Elsa sadly, which Elsa returned.

"What will you do now, Elsa?" Heidi asked.

The queen cocked her head. "What do you mean?"

The little girl let go of the holder's hand. "You are currently in the Field of Choice," she told her. Heidi waved to the left of them. A white light sparked from the darkness and slowly expanded into a doorway. "Will you take this route; the path of the reborn," she turned to face the right and flicked her wrist again. This time, a light green light ignited and slowly copied the other. "Or you can take this route; the path of life. The names seem pretty straight forward, don't you agree?"

Elsa nodded. "So...I'm not dead yet?"

Heidi shook her head. "No, but you are not alive either." She looked up at her" You are in critical condition from the amount of blood loss you suffered from."

Elsa's eyebrows furrowed. "So I can choose to live or die now... Are people always given this option?"

"No, not always." That's all she said.

The two were silent for a while. "What should I do, Hei?"

The girl scoffed. "Yes, _I _would know what you want."

Elsa's gaze kept going back and forth between the gates. Which shoukd she choose? Should she pick to die and start over with no powers? Or should she choose to live and see Anna again?

"Hei?"

"Hm?"

"Once I leave here, will I be able to talk to you again? Like how you are now."

Heidi pondered over that. "I don't think so. If you choose to be reborn, you're a completely new person - it's like swimming in the River of Lethe in Greek mythology. If you choose to live I don't know if I would go with you, or if I would stay here."

"But-"

They heard a crash. They whipped their heads to face the source of the sound. The Door of Rebirth was starting to cave in. Spinning around, they saw the Door of Life was also closing.

Heidi looked at the Queen in panic. "The doors are closing! Hurry, you have to pick one or you'll be stuck in here forever!"

"_What?" _Elsa shrieked. "This is a hard decision and it can't just be chosen in-!"

_"Elsa!" _Heidi yelled. "_Please! _You _have _to pick a door!"

"But you'll-!"

"Shut up and go!" She screamed. "Dont worry about me! If it wasn't for me you wouldn't _be _here! Now pick a goddamn door already!"

Elsa hesitated. She tackled the little girl in a tight hug, and kissed the top of her head. "No matter _what _you did, I'll never forget you, Heidi."

With that, Elsa ran to the door before it shut, not bothering with the crashing sounds around her.

v

She heard a quiet buzzing around her. The noise was slowly getting louder until she could hear faint words.

"...you sure?" she heard someone ask. A woman.

"Yes, she will be fine," another voice said. A man. "But she will need rest. Her Majesty has lost a lot of blood."

Elsa heard footsteps retreating from the room and she decided to weakly peak open an eye. She quickly shut it again due to the bright, blinding lights.

"Elsa?" The woman from before asked. Now that she could hear more clearly, she knew who it was.

"A...Anna?" she asked horsley.

Anna gasped. "Oh my gods, Elsa!" She tackled her sister in a hug. She pressed her face to the crook of her neck and started sobbing. Elsa was just staring at her sister with half-lidded, blank eyes. Her arms stayed at her sides.

"Elsa I thought I lost you forever!" Anna wept. "P-please don't _ever_ do that again!"

Timidly, Elsa lifted her arms until she felt a sharp sting from her wrist. She carefully held up her arm to see where the pain came from. Tied around her forearm and palm were white bandages. Elsa stared at them for a moment more before wraping both her arms around her sister, wincing slightly at the sting shooting up her arm. "Anna..." She breathed. "H-how long was I out?"

Anna pulled away and looked at the blonde hesitanty. "Not very long. Only...maybe...four or five days?"

Elsa shot up. "Four or five _days?"_

The Queen winced and clutched her head at the pounding headache. "Dammit..."

"Elsa you really need to lie back down. You need more rest!"

"No...I'm completely fine. I don't need-"

"Elsa are you kidding me?!" Anna yelled. "I ran into your room and had to wrestle a shard of glass away from you! The gash _you _did to yourself was so deep!" Anna clenched her fists around the sheets of the bed and looked down. "You lost so much blood Elsa. I - _we_ didn't think you would make it. We were all so worried."

The Queen's eyes widened as she peered at her sister's face. "You were worried...about _me?"_

Before Anna could retort, the infirmary door creaked open. The two women whipped their heads towards the noise to see a little snowman hobble into the room. His eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was in a deep frown. "Elsa?" He asked cautiously.

Elsa just stared at the snowman for a moment, then shook her head to clear her thoughts. Weakly, she smiled at him. "Hey little man. How's my favourite snowman?"

He shuffled further in the room until he was at the foot of the bed. "I'm okay. I missed you a lot."

Elsa ignored the pang in her heart. "I-I'm sorry little man. I haven't been well."

"Are you well now?"

Before she could reply, Anna interrupted. "No, she's not. Sorry Olaf. Elsa still needs a _lot _of rest before she could do anything else."

Olaf nodded his head sadly. He looked at his creator in the eyes. "When you feel better, do you wanna build a snowman?"

With no hesitation, the Queen said, "of course, little man. A-anything you want."

Olaf reached forward and wrapped his twig arms around her torso to give her a hug, then slid off the bed and left.

The Queen and Princess watched him go. Anna looked back at Elsa sadly. "Why have you never told me about any of this?" She asked, gesturing to her sister's wrists.

"I never wanted to worry you."

"You worry me when you _don't _tell me anything!"

Elsa winced. "Anna please..."

She took a deep wrath to calm down. "Okay, I'm sorry. But if you had told someone, we could have helped you!"

Elsa laughed humorlessly. "Im supposed to be the regal older sister aren't I? I'm not supposed to have problems or issues since I was the heir to the throne."

Anna placed a hand over Elsa's. "Even you can have problems. You can't be expected to deal with this alone."

"Yes I am!" Elsa shouted. "I _couldn't _have issues! I was only a teenager! According to father I wasn't supposed to be an over emotional, problematic child!"

"Well he was wrong!" Anna stated. "He was wrong about _everything!"_

"But-!"

"No 'buts' Elsa! He was wrong. Every word of it."

The platinum blonde lowered her head in shame. "I'm sorry." She mumbled. "I'm so, so, so sorry. I promise I will never do it again. Please forgive me."

Anna scooted closer to her sister and opened her arms up. A smile slowly crept onto the Queen's face and Elsa threw herself in her arms, hugging her sister tightly ignoring the sharp pain.

"Oh right!" Anna exclaimed. "I've been wanting to ask you something."

Elsa pulled away and nodded at her.

"While you were unconscious you muttered a name. Heidi."

Elsa cocked her head to the side. "Who's Heidi?"

**The End.**

**And may I just add: YES! Going back through the door caused Elsa to forget about Heidi. Why? Who knows. Maybe when Elsa went in the door, the Field of Choice was destroyed. It was caving in right? Maybe it killed Heidi with it. She was a figment. She was a memory. The memory was destroyed.**

**Thank you for your support!**


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